Being a parent can be incredibly frustrating, leading us to think that our kids won’t do as they’re told.
Sometimes, we just want well-behaved kids with good manners who don’t talk back. If this is you, examine your expectations and think about the big picture.
What do you want?
If your desired outcome is to have well-adjusted, responsible young people, ask yourself what that looks like.
Do you mean that you want young adults who can weigh up options before making choices, consider others and lead purposeful lives? If so, instant, unquestioning obedience to authority figures when they are young may not bring that outcome. Do you really want robotic kids who can’t think for themselves and can only make good decisions based on reward/punishment systems?
Self Reflection
Is it that your kids won’t do as they’re told? Or can you reframe it? Try describing them as confident explorers with good personal boundaries. Perhaps they are secure. Children who push back against rules and directions may be the leaders of the future. This means you need to learn how to manage them in a positive way. Are they naughty all the time? Are they doing unsafe things? Do a reality check before you label your kids as badly behaved.
As parents, we can get mixed up and think that our reputation as a good parent is linked to the behaviour of our children in public. Your child’s behaviour with extended family or in the shops is not a reflection of your worth as a person. It is however, a result of how you interact with your child at home, when no one else is there to judge.
Consistent attention, love and safety are like oxygen for children. Having a person who has time for them, while holding them in unconditional positive regard creates a self-confident, secure young person. Kids learn to take appropriate risks when they are in environments where they are allowed to experiment safely and to make mistakes without being belittled.
Time = Love
It’s been said that, to a child, love is spelled TIME. Parents who are able to invest consistent amounts of time in their child in an environment of safety and love, are more likely to raise young people who act well in public, most of the time. Knowing that misbehaviour is part of healthy childhood development and not a neon light over your head which says BAD PARENT, will help both you and your children navigate childhood with more confidence.
