At this end of the year it’s not unusual to hear people say, ‘I’m just so tired!”. Everyone has had some personal challenges this year, but add in the state of the world and it’s no wonder we’re worn out. Our ability to cope with the day to day ebbs and flows changes according to how rested we feel, if we’ve been unwell, if we’ve had a weekend of activities and if we are engaging in some life-giving self care. That ability to cope is our capacity.
Capacity fluctuates. That’s not a sign of personal failure. It’s not a sign of weakness. It’s a result of being human. No one is at their best every single day. Some days you’ll find yourself saying, ‘I’m just so tired”. And that’s quite ok.
As we progress through life stages we will find our capacity changing. People parenting young kids are living busy lives. There are a lot of demands on parents who are sleep deprived and facing new challenges every single day. If you’ve got kids in school, there will be the early morning hustle to get out the door, the after school activities and the School App, Parents WhatsApp and Family Chat to keep up with. This stage finds us time poor. When our kids are grown and flown we’re often in a demanding stage at work with long hours and high responsibility, but perhaps more capacity on weekends. Retired people have a new rhythm of life, but can be dealing with health challenges that limit their capacity. So, your life circumstances will change as you age, and so will your capacity.
A good step to manage fluctuating capacity is to express what your capacity is. Making this part of your family’s conversation can increase self awareness, compassion for others and cut out some drama from your life. If you’re asked to do something which is beyond your capacity right now, being able to say so can be part of healthy boundary setting.
At times when your capacity is low, be gentle with yourself. Continue to engage in your self care practice, even if it’s only for a few minutes each day. Be aware of energy vampires who such the life out of you when you are feeling low. Instead, try to spend time with people who are supportive and life giving.
Of course, if your capacity is high and you are able to, take on the extra activity, help someone else, go to the party, volunteer at your church. Just keep in mind that capacity is in a state of flux, so don’t over commit yourself. And even when capacity is high, self care is vital.
The next time you hear someone say, “I’m just so tired!”, ask them about their capacity. Listen to their struggles and be present before you offer any advice. Ask if they need some support. When they are feeling more bouyant, you might like to ask about their self care and keep the capacity conversation going. You can reassure them that capacity will change, it’s not a sign of failure and they can take care of themselves to increase their ability to cope day to day.
