Think of a bouncing rubber ball. The impact when it comes into contact with the ground changes the shape from a sphere to a squashed shape. Then, when it bounces up again, it returns to the round shape with which we are familiar.
How about a pillow? When you lay your head on a pillow, it caves in. But, when you get up in the morning, it probably goes back to the original shape.
Both the ball and the pillow are being resilient.
The Cambridge Dictionary tells us that the definition of resilience is the ability to be happy, successful etc again after something difficult or bad has happened. De Terte and Stephens in their 2014 paper in Stress and Health, define psychological resilience as the ability to cope mentally and emotionally with a crisis, or to return to pre-crisis status quickly.
Science has observed that some people recover, and even thrive after hardship while others do not. Rather, they become stuck in the squashed shape that the unfortunate circumstances bring. What makes the difference? Resilience.
Resilience is comprised of a skill set which can be developed over time. Growing more resilient takes time, strength, support and access to hardship. Most of us have no problem with the hardship part! But, some of us struggle with accessing the inner resources required to become more resilient.
By developing the following attitudes and behaviours, you will also be building resilience:
1 Adaptability: accepting of change
2 Connection: to family, social groups and other important relationships
3 Learning: about yourself and from the past
4 Self Efficacy: believing in yourself and your skills
5 Positivity: keep things in perspective, look for positive outcomes
6 Impulse Control: Avoiding unhelpful or negative coping strategies
The earlier we can learn to bounce back after challenges, the better. Teaching our children to problem solve and have a growth mindset will set them up for success later in life. Ofcourse, we can not protect them from trouble, but we can give them the tools to cope and even thrive after a challenge.
For adults, it is never too late to learn resilience. A key to growing in this way is to hold realistic expectations of ourselves and access the support of others when you need it. Self compassion when we are not as resilient as we hoped will also aid us to recover and reflect so that we can learn for next time. Do what you can to learn some of these skills when things are not difficult and you’ll have some tools for the tough times to come.
Thank you to Jack Buu for the image
