Fly In Fly Out (FIFO) workers in relationships face different challenges to their counterparts whose work doesn’t require them to be away from home for extended periods on a rostered basis. A 2020 Murdoch University study conducted by Ruth Brook highlighted that a staggering 70% of male FIFO employees have experienced at least one divorce or separation during their working careers—nearly double the national average.
There are specific strategies that FIFO workers can employ to build a healthy relationship with their partner and children; some while they are home and some while they are away.
1 Stay Connected
While away, workers will need to intentionally reach out to their family. This could be by text, phone calls, video calls etc. Communicat about what the best time is and who should reach out – this will reduce disappointment and confusion. Showing an interest in your family’s day to day life will build connection and make it easier to pick things up when you they return home.
2 Build Trust
While at home, FIFO workers and their partners do well to invest into their relationship. This keeps the relationship strong and safeguards against suspicion which can become toxic to a marriage. Developing an understanding between the partners to ensure the person who stays at home has the confidence and support of the person who is away will ensure decision-making and responsibliity for family routines are clear.
3 Consider asking your extended family to step in when the worker is away
Kids need consistent role models and partners need consistent, pratical support. Men and women will at times appreciate having a helping hand in raising hte family while the worker is away. Having an aunt or grandparents who can step in and help with the kids or with home maintenence can take the pressure off of a wife who is running a household and family as a solo parent.
4 Have a goodbye and a welcome home routine
If a worker has to fly out in the middle of the night, ensuring that they say goodbye to their family earlier in the day is important. This alleviates the feeling that the worker is here, then without warning, gone. Some preparation and explanation to older kids gives them a sense of stability. Ontheir return, the worker might like to take a ‘backseat’ for a while. The family has become accustomed to not having them there, so a period of readjustment is a gentle re-entry.
It’s difficult to be away for milestones and celebrations in your family. Missing a child’s first steps, first day at school, a partner’s graduation or a parent’s milestone birthday can be tough. Spending extra time and attention when at home is important, but it won’t replace being present at those special occassions. This is something to come to terms with, because unfortunately, there is no getting around it. Process the grief and disappointment that comes with missing out.
Some FIFO workers feel that the job has a use-by date, and that they are only prepared to be absent from family life for a certain amount of time. Nobody’s life is perfect, but FIFO work certainly brings specific challenges, and these need to be discussed in a calm and open manner between partners. Developing good communication and decision-making skills to help couples discuss how long both partners are prepared for FIFO to continue is vital.
FIFO couples need to be resilient. Although they may be told that they knew what they were getting into when they made the decision to do this, you can’t foresee every situation. Some things that happen while your partner is away are just going to be tough, and you’ll need strategies to cope. Counselling can help with this.
FIFO work is generally well-paid – that’s why many people do it. The work we do is a reflection of our values. It is worth weighing up the cost with the reward to ensure that everyone in the family is thriving and staying connected. Resilience and strength are required for FIFO families to cope with one person being away so often. Have the courage to reassess the situation regularly and put your family’s wellbeing first.
