Children can be loud, messy, and downright annoying. They test boundaries, push buttons, and seem to know exactly how to trigger us. In these moments, at a time when alienation and conflict can rule, soft-hearted parenting keeps you connected to each other.
Do Your Own Work First
Soft-hearted parenting is not about being permissive. It’s about staying connected. Soft-hearted parenting requires the ability to self regulate when you’re with your kids. It’s much easier to react than to respond to children. So, knowing how to stay calm, not take your child’s behaviour personally and how to process your feelings are pre-requisites to this parenting posture. You are not always right; and it’s good for your kids to know that. Do some personal work first, then you’ll be well resourced to remain warm and kind with your kids.
Remaining Oriented Towards Your Child
When we respond with warmth instead of frustration, we show our children they are safe—even when they’re struggling. This builds trust. It helps them feel supported. And it lays the foundation for a strong relationship that lasts into young adulthood and beyond. Soft-hearted parenting is seeing the best in your kids; they are doing what they can with limited resources (they’re not adults with years of experience).
3 Ways To Try
Here are three ways to practise soft-hearted parenting, even when your patience is wearing thin.
First, remember what you love about your kids. Their quirks, their giggles, the way they light up when they learn something new. These moments are easy to forget when you’re knee-deep in tantrums or teenage eye-rolls. But love is your anchor. Let it guide your response.
Second, try to see things from their point of view. Children aren’t trying to be difficult—they’re trying to communicate. Maybe they’re tired, overwhelmed, or feeling unheard. When we pause and consider their perspective, we shift from reacting to relating. That shift is powerful.
Third, keep the long view in mind. You’re not just raising a child—you’re raising an adult. Every interaction shapes how they see themselves and others. Soft-hearted parenting teaches empathy, respect, and emotional safety. These are the qualities that help them thrive in relationships later in life.
Boundaries Still Apply
Soft-hearted parenting doesn’t mean you never set boundaries. It means you set them with kindness. You stay present, even when it’s hard. You choose connection over control. There are behaviours which are clearly unacceptable, and they should not be ignored, but a child doesn’t have to be shamed and made to feel small in order to change their behaviour.
So next time your child is testing your limits, take a breath. Remember what you love. Try to see their world. And remind yourself: you’re raising someone who will one day look back and remember how you made them feel.
Be a parent who makes their child feel loved, competent and understood. Be a soft-hearted parent.
