Grief hits hard at Christmas. Especially if it’s the first one without your loved one. You might notice your loss more keenly at Christmas because it’s such a family-oriented time of year.
It takes time for the family to adjust to gathering when doing so is an obvious reminder of who is not there. You don’t have to pretend that everything is fine. It’s ok to express how you’re feeling.
Some families like to start a new ritual that gives them the opportunity to reflect and remember the person who has died. If possible, it’s a good thing to talk together about what you’d like to do. Each person may do a different thing to meaningfully commemorate your loved one.
- Here are some ideas to consider:
1 Going to the cemetery together to lay flowers. This gives time and permission to feel sad, express gratitude or ‘have a little chat’ to the person who is absent.
2 Other families give a gift on behalf of the person who has died to keep their memory alive.3 Having a photo on display, or looking through the family albums means people can share their favourite memories. It is not uncommon for laughter to erupt as a funny story is shared. This is a healthy way to express grief, love and loss.
4 Light a candle at the Christmas table to symbolise the warmth and light your person brought to family celebrations.
5 Refer to your loved one in passing conversation. As time goes on, this will happen more naturally.
The work of grief is hard. Even after a few years, you can be taken by surprise as grief resurfaces. It is normal to feel sad, to wish they were there with you and to feel guilty if you catch yourself feeling happy. As in every situation when you’re grieving, there is no right way to feel. The rituals may not happen every year, but for the first few Christmases they can be incredibly important as the family learns a new way to celebrate.
