After a family member dies there are a lot of emotions in play. A general principle to good mental health is to be on the front foot, anticipating and addressing issues positioning you well for challenging situations as they arise. This is particularly true when a family member dies.
An expected death due to sickness, or an unexpected accident, brings grief that can be breath-taking in its power to knock us off kilter. If the details of the person’s wishes are not known, if their financial situation is not understood or if the details of the executor of the will are not communicated in advance, stress about the practicalities at the end of life compounds emotional loss and grief.
Scott Pape, the Barefoot Investor, gives sound advice when he encourages families to have these difficult conversations before a terminal diagnosis or unexpected event. Communicating where you would like a memorial service to be held and what music or photos you’d like included is so helpful to your family who can find comfort in following your wishes. More importantly, having a securely stored document that includes financial, insurance, login details and utility account numbers will ease the burden of finalising accounts or transferring them to another name.
Other advice offered by Pape is to create a Fearless Folder where all the important documentation is kept. (1) You may also consider asking your GP about a medical power of attorney.
In families where there is already a lot of tension and unresolved issues, having these discussions can be fraught. Everyone will need to bring their very best communication skills to the table and there may need to be some ground rules so that the person who called the meeting can make sure they are understood.
These communication skills can be taught. After a loss is not the optimal time to learn them. Rather, I’d encourage you to learn and practice them so that you’re prepared with some strong boundaries and the ability to communicate your needs.
(1) https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7073573/Barefoot-Investor-fearless-folder-genius-checklist-organised-die.html
