Emotions come and go. The average person has more than 400 emotional experiences every day (1). It is normal to feel a range of emotions, from happiness to having your confidence shaken, fear or anger across the course of the day. Having emotions is not a problem. Which may leave you asking, “What should I do when I’m emotional?”
The problem is that our brains are hard-wired to give emotions the upper hand over logic and rational thought. This is to keep us safe, and is often called the “fight, flight or freeze response”. Our reaction to the emotion can get us into trouble.
Every person has a part of their brain called the amygdala. It’s function is to sound the alarm when danger is present. Unfortunately, the amygdala can’t tell the difference between a threat to your life and a challenge that can help you grow. If you’re about to make a speech in front of your colleagues, the amygdala responds in the same way as if you’re about to be physically attacked.
You may notice that when you feel panicked, your breathing becomes shallow and rapid. The oxygen rushes to your limbs so that you can run or climb out of harm’s way. In this process, adrenaline is released into your body and your heart starts beating faster. Simultaneously, your prefrontal cortex stops working well, which means your ability to think clearly and make good decisions is compromised. Your amygdala is doing a great job – but you may not need to run or fight or hide as you take an exam.
The key to responding appropriately is to re-engage the rational, thinking part of your brain. What should you do when you’re emotional – try taking a series of deep breaths to re-engage your brain. It is impossible to breathe deeply in a hurry. The action forces you to slow down and allows you to gain access to the executive function part of the brain – the pre-frontal cortex (PFC). The PFC intelligently regulates our thoughts, actions and emotions through connections with other parts of the brain. It is logical, rational and a good decision-maker. You would need that in an exam.
There are lots of different types of breathing exercises. Some use objects to help us focus, others are connected to an action or body part. Rainbow breathing, box breathing and hand breathing are all examples of ways to slow down as you take deep breaths. Children often respond well to these cues that they can practice with a friend, or by themselves.
Learning how to listen to the amygdala and respond well are skills that a counsellor can help you or your child learn. For anxious people, this understanding can be a game-changer and reduce feelings of panic. It is one thing you can do when you’re emotional.
(1) https://www.shrm.org/hr-today/news/hr-magazine/pages/1115-emotional-intelligence.aspx
