Grief is the cost of love. A universal human experience, grief is a natural response to loss. The death of a loved one springs to mind when the word grief is used. However, it can also refer to the end of a significant relationship, a major change or the loss of a dream.
Look at the image at the top of this post. Rather than viewing grief as something that gets smaller over time, like the image on the left, think of grief as the image on the right. Grief takes up most of the space in your life when a loss is recent. Then, as time goes by, you grow around it. As your life expands, the grief stays the same size, but seems smaller in comparison to your larger life.
Grief never leaves, but it gradually stops being our only focus. It is incorporated into the life we build after the loss. As time passes, we can pause and take a look at the grief, but we can put it aside and engage with other things.
Although grief is deeply personal, there are common experiences that most grieving people share. Denial, anger, guilt, bargaining, depression and acceptance serve as part of the framework to understand the intense emotions that ebb and flow. Elizabeth Kubler Ross introduced this framework, although more recent work has deepened our understanding of how grief effects both the dying and those left behind.
Here are some coping strategies:
1 Allow yourself to feel.
Repressing emotions delays feeling them, but does not stop them. It can hinder coming to terms with what has happened. Give yourself permission to experience your feelings fully.
2 Grieve in whatever way you need to.
There is no correct amount of time to grieve. Take as long as you need. There is no ‘right way to grieve’.
3 Seek support
Tell your friends and family how they can support you and then let them do those things. Support comes from friends, family or a counsellor. There is no need to face it alone. If your grief becomes debilitating or so intense that you can no longer cope, a counsellor will be able to offer a listening ear and help you to process what has happened.
4 Engage in Self-care Practices.
Take care of yourself. Your physical and emotional needs will not disappear. It is appropriate to set the grief aside for a while and engage in activities that bring you joy and comfort (1).
5 Remember Your Person
If you are grieving the loss of a person, create some meaningful ways to remember and honour them. Rituals, acts of remembrance and keepsakes can all ease the loss.
Grief is a complex, intimate, challenging journey, but it is also a result of the love and connections we share in life. Grief is the cost of love. By understanding and embracing your emotions, seeking support and practicing self-compassion, you can navigate grief and find a path toward acceptance.
(1) https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/talkabout/articles/self-care-grieving/315383
image: https://littlewhitecat.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/grief-jars-2.jpg
