Deciding whether to have children is one of life’s most significant choices for a couple. If you’re asking “Should we have kids?”, here are some things to consider as you make this deeply personal decision.
- Shared Values
Start by discussing your individual values and beliefs surrounding parenthood. Are you both on the same page regarding the importance of children in your lives? Do you want children? Rather than measure this by what your friends are doing, ask these questions, ‘do you want to have children?’, ‘when do you want to have children?’ and ‘are there factors that might change your opinion?’.
2. Financial Stability
Assess your financial situation and consider the costs associated with raising a child. Are you prepared for the financial responsibilities that come with parenthood?
3. Lifestyle Considerations:
Children tend to upend their parents’ lives. Are you ready to make the necessary adjustments to accommodate a child’s needs?
4. Emotional Readiness:
Reflect on your emotional readiness to become parents. Are you prepared for the joys and challenges of nurturing a child? What might you need to do to prepare emotionally?
5. Career and Personal Goals:
Consider how parenthood aligns with your career and personal goals. Can you achieve your aspirations while being a parent? Does this matter to you? What type of parenting leave is available for you? Can you afford for one of you to be away from paid work for a period of time?
6. Support System:
Evaluate your support system. Do you have family and friends who can provide assistance and guidance during your parenting journey? Might this change in the near future? Do you have access to child care?
7. Relationship Strength:
Assess the strength of your relationship. Are you both prepared to navigate the changes and challenges that parenthood may bring to your partnership? If you can’t agree on having kids, what will you do?
8. Health Considerations:
Think about your physical and mental health. Are you both in a positive place where you can support each other and your child?
These questions can reveal information about your partner or yourself that you were not expecting. They may cause conflict and confusion. If that’s the case, get some support from a counsellor who can help you work through your feelings. It may be that these questions are just too confronting to have on your own as a couple, and working through this decision would benefit from a counsellor’s skills. Don’t hesitate to reach out if necessary.
Remember that the decision to have or not have children is highly individual. It’s crucial to engage in open and honest communication with your partner and to give yourselves the time and space needed to explore your feelings and desires fully. “Should we have kids?” is a decision that should be made with thoughtfulness and consideration, taking into account both your individual needs and the dynamics of your relationship.
