Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. When teenagers argue with their friendship group, it can feel as if the bottom has fallen out of their world. The teen years are fraught; intense emotions, a brain that has not yet matured and the tricky task of forming an identity make these years difficult. Parents may not know how to support a teen who is fighting with their friends. Learning how to address and resolve conflicts constructively is an essential skill. This is where parents can offer some guidance and support.
Modelling and directly teaching your teenager some communication skills will help them. These are some to try:
1. Good communication involves expressing yourself clearly and respectfully:
Open, honest, and respectful communication is the foundation of conflict resolution. Avoiding language that blames and criticises everyone else is a start. Instead, by focussing on expressing their feelings and needs, your teen can state their case.
2. Active Listening:
Truly listening to a friend’s perspective before explaining your own or defending yourself takes maturity, but it can lead to a deeper understanding. Friends may have different viewpoints and still be friends. Disagreeing is not a deal-breaker.
3. Choose the Right Time:
Timing matters. Help your teenager prepare for a tough conversation by getting enough rest beforehand and choosing a time that is not busy or likely to be interupted.
4. Use “I” Statements:
Teach your teen to frame their concerns using “I” statements to express how they feel. For example, saying, “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always…”
When your teen is fighting with their friends, they might be a bit out of sorts. Their sleep might be disrupted, and they may not want to go to places where their friends hang out. Be sensitive to this.
Taking some time before trying to resolve an issue can be wise. Although you may think that making up and getting on with life would be best done quickly, it can lead to a fragile reconciliation which quickly breaks down again.
If school attendance is suffering during the fight, bring the school into the loop. They may have other information or ways to support your teen at school.
You might like to lean on other support networks for your teen; if the conflict is at school and they play a sport, they may feel comfortable spending time with those friends instead.
Consider discussing social media use with your teen while they are fighting with their friends. Drama never ends when your teen has their own phone, providing platforms to stay in touch with people day and night. There can be no respite from the conflict. You might like to consider where the phone is overnight or for a period of time after school.
Conflict can be an opportunity for personal growth and relationship development. Remember, it’s how you handle conflicts that matters most. When your teen is fighting with their friends, self care, and effective communication are great skills for them to learn. When parents offer support, they can help their teen develop the tools they will need to navigate conflicts for the rest of their lives.
