Carers face some complex dilemmas, especially if they are caring for a relative. Assisting people with everyday tasks can be wearing, leading to carers feeling overlooked or taken advantage of. (1)
Providing care is not easy. These are some common emotions that often accompany caring for someone close to you:
1 Grief
2 Frustration and Anger
3 Isolation
4 Overwhelm
5 Exhaustion
As well as being a carer for your relative, you may also be a son, a husband, friend, wife, daughter, parent, or other close relative. These dual roles mean that you don’t have the luxury to step back from emotional connection in the same way as a health care professional, who although they also care, do not experience attachment in the same way. It is highly likely that you love the person you care for, and that brings its own emotional cost.
To help with this, you can make some time to do things that are enjoyable for both you and the person you care for. Invest in each other because you love each other. Reminiscing over old photos or letters can be a good pastime. As are puzzles, gentle walks, board games, listening to music and cooking together. Creative pursuits form new memories and connections, which is so worthwhile.
Knowing your limitations is important because you are a person with needs, too. Making some time to look after yourself will lift your mood, improving the quality of care you give. Self-care is also crucial because it acknowledges that you also deserve to be treated well. A self-care practice prioritises your wellbeing through regular soul-nourishing activities. There are other blogs about self-care on the Ebb and Flow Website and I encourage you to read them to find out more.
Another aspect of knowing your limitations is being able to identify:
• what can you do,
• what you are unable to do,
• what don’t you want to do and
• what you don’t know how to do.
Clarifying expectations around your role and where care begins and ends can be very useful. The gaps in your care might be able to be met by someone else. Frustration and anger are common responses to realising you can’t fix things. There are no quick and easy solutions to terminal illness, disability or life altering injury.
It can be an emotional rollercoaster as situations and diagnosis change. It is wise to give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up, and then find ways to process the emotions. The complexity of dual relationships, intense emotions and managing the day to day care of someone you love is difficult. Taking time to build new connections, to be honest about what you need and to get support for yourself could make a difference to your role.
(1) https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/carers-friends-family-coping-support/your-mental-health/
