What is success? Being financially secure, having intelligent children, a job promotion, being in a relationship and reaching academic or physical goals are all indicators of success in Western society. Generally, the outward signs of doing well are valued. This may be because they are more visible than the inner signs of success. We seem to like the obvious and overlook the nuanced.
Success is highly subjective; each person has their own definition according to their personal goals, values and beliefs. This can be incredibly freeing to know. Jealousy and comparison lose their power when you realise that each person is on their own path. You have a path, too, which may look quite different to the norm. You can set your own standards of success, according to criteria which is meaningful for you.
Many of us carry scripts from our formative years about what we should achieve in our lives. Our families may place high value on financial success or marriage, which can lead to you feeling pressured to conform to their values. Significant people in our lives may communicate their expectations of our behaviour which can leave is feeling as if we don’t measure up. Meeting someone else’s standard of success can be unfulfilling and leave us feeling disconnected from ourselves because those standards do not reflect our authentic selves.
Success and power are often coupled together. In a society where softness is not viewed as strength, success can appear to be harsh, overpowering and belonging to people who are victorious in the battles of life. However, there are other, enduring qualities which we could consider as signs of success. By this, I mean things like peace despite circumstances, wisdom won from hard life lessons and relentless advocacy of disempowered people in need. I’ve heard it said that the single mum who works, raises her kids and provides their needs is as successful as the millionaire who wants for nothing material. They just have a different measure for success.
Challenging these perceived and imposed standards of success is work that can lead to self-confidence and increased self-knowledge. This freedom allows us to celebrate the success of others without feeling inadequate ourselves. You have the ability to choose your personal goals, values and beliefs. You can decide what success means to you.
