Adolescence is a time in life when young people are searching for a place to belong which is separate from their family. It’s a life stage when forming an identity is important. This can mean that friends and socialising take the place of family-life. When issues pop up with friends, it can seem like the end of the world because a teen’s sense of belonging and identity are threatened. You may be asking, “How can I help my teenager?”
Friendship issues are common during the teenage years. Exclusion from the group, gossip and nasty social media posts can be weaponised, especially by girls. The storms and stress of adolescence (1) can lead to school refusal, self-harm, loss of confidence and depression. However, parents can help their teen by offering the following support:
1 Listen to them
Using non-judgemental listening skills (such as the ones included in Great Questions by Fleur Tucker) (2) can provide your teen with a safe place to process what is happening in their friendship group. It will be hard not to give advice but it is important to let them have a say without judging or telling them what to do.
2 Make a plan together
As tempting as it is to impose your ideas onto your teen’s problem, it’s much better if they can be a part of formulating a solution. This will be challenging for you, the person with more life experience, but, letting your young person make some choices will teach them valuable lessons for later in life.
3 Talk about self-care and boundaries
As well as talking, you’ll also need to model self care and good communication skills. Showing how to set up good sleep hygiene, speaking up when you need to, exercising and daily self-care practices is a way to help your teenager.
4 Communicate with the school
If the problem is happening at school, let the school wellbeing team know so that they can give support during the school day. If school refusal (or school can’t as it’s now becoming known) is becoming a problem, let the year level co-ordinator know sooner rather than later so that early intervention strategies can be implemented.
When friendships are rocky, your young person will probably feel insecure and afraid. They are going to need predictable routines at home so that they can feel safe and supported. Giving time and attention to them will be more meaningful than gifts or rewards.
If you’re feeling out of your depth as a parent, some counselling for you and/or your teenager could be useful. No one wants to see their child in pain or upset, so learning how to help your teenager will be beneficial to both of you.
(1) https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-storm-and-stress-view-of-adolescence-6743696
(2) Link to Great Questions: https://fleurtucker.weebly.com/
